


25th Day of Winter - Dealing with Scrooge Kakashi - Revelations | Affirmations

by unjaundiced



Series: Winter Spirits [30]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkwardness, Cockblocking, Everyone Is Alive, Failboats, Failboats In Love, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Idiots in Love, Layers Like an Onion, M/M, Metaphors, Sorry Not Sorry, Underneath the underneath, it's not that deep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22735675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unjaundiced/pseuds/unjaundiced
Summary: AU. Kakashi brings a whole new meaning to the term 'staycation'. Iruka is not all that amused.This is the other option of the semi-Choose-Your-Own-Adventure event Day 25 became and is the shorter ending to Dealing With Scrooge Kakashi. (They're 23 and 24. Naruto and Sasuke are 9)
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Series: Winter Spirits [30]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/362753
Kudos: 18





	25th Day of Winter - Dealing with Scrooge Kakashi - Revelations | Affirmations

Iruka slammed the car door—tried anyhow, panicking briefly when the car started to roll down the hill before he climbed back in to set the brake—and marched toward the Hatake residence. A pitiful shoe box diorama listened to his departure from the back seat, trapped on a sawed-off desktop.  
  
“Hatake! Get your ass down here!” he bellowed as he crossed the street, oblivious to the curious looks he garnered. Iruka yanked on the gate handle, growling when he realized he'd locked his keys in his car and kicked the gate.  
  
“Hatakeeee!” he shouted again, starting to climb the fence. “If I have to come get you...”  
  
He couldn't think of a proper follow-up to that but he figured he'd come up with a good one. He'd think of a good one once he was no longer hung up on an iron spike and staring into the grinning face of a giant tiki statue. He had a _really_ weird feeling about this.  
  
“Mah, enjoying some light conversation with Musashimaru-sama?” a familiar voice practically cooed. Iruka glared and looked around.  
  
“What kind of name is _Musashimaru_ for a tiki,” Iruka snarled. “And what have you _done_ to your house! Your parents will be furious!”  
  
“Musashimaru is a strong name fit for a warrior.” There was a pause. “And if you think my parents will be furious about the front part of the house, you should see the backyard.”  
  
Something tapped Iruka's hand and he looked down just in time to see a pair of shoes prop themselves next to his foot. Something tugged at his neck and he glared, grudgingly leaning towards Kakashi as he unhooked Iruka's coat hood from the fence.  
  
“Musashimaru is a name for a _boat_ and how did you even get an an army of giant tiki? I can see them from here,” he grumbled, waving Kakashi off, eyes narrowing when the other man held out a hand to help him down. “Don't even _think_ about it.”  
  
Kakashi shrugged and tucked his hands into his pockets. He blew a steamy breath towards the sky and slouched. “You would be surprised the kind of things Gai-kun can be encouraged to come up with,” he commented, shifting aside as Iruka aimed a halfhearted punch at his shoulder.  
  
“You're terrible; a terrible, horrible friend. Gai-kun is a saint,” Iruka muttered, shivering as a brisk breeze ghosted across the yard. He stopped short as a shiny brown coconut bra dangled in front of his face and glared past it at his grinning friend. “You. Cannot. Be. _Serious_.”  
  
The coconuts jiggled again and a raffia skirt appeared next to them, wiggling along with them. Iruka growled and pushed Kakashi out of the way with a warning look. The older man just looked amused and shrugged.  
  
“You're no fun. What good is a luau if you aren't dressed for it?” Kakashi draped the costume over his arm and slung his other one across Iruka's shoulders and began to steer him down a torch-lined path towards the backyard where even more imposing tiki stared.  
  
“What are you talking about? And I can't believe you put in for vacation just so you could play one of your silly—” Iruka batted away silk palm fronds and blinked. A horrific, _wonderful_ , tacky tiki bar now graced the rear patio, a highly amused looking Kushina in a thick jacket and colorful sarong busy playing bartender to a slew of small children. A sea of sand complete with a _hut_ sat on a platform in the corner of the yard, a huge set of waves painted in perfect curls on false walls on one side, a stand of fake palm trees with wide family size hammocks strung between them to the other. The whole yard was enclosed with silk curtains and heated with lamps and _everyone_ was wearing colorful clothes and silly fake flowers.  
  
The coconut bra and raffia skirt made their reappearance.  
  
“I am _not_ going to wear that!” Iruka hissed, slapping them away. “And what is this!”  
  
Kakashi only grinned and brought the bra and skirt back up, shaking them again. “It's your Hawaiian vacation!”  
  
“This is so dumb. I'm going back to the hospital,” Iruka grumbled, face heating. Kakashi raised a brow.  
  
“Now who's the Scrooge?” He nudged Iruka as he tried to back away. “You're about to be greeted by your ghosts.”  
  
“Ghosts? The only one who has ghosts would be yo—”  
  
“Iruka-kun!” Iruka gasped as a flower lei dropped over his head and familiar arms wrapped around him from behind, dancing as his hugger wiggled around. Kakashi smirked and held up the bra and skirt again, shaking them enticingly.  
  
“Mom?! Dad?! I thought you two were in Hawaii!” Iruka yelped, turning around to hug his mother properly. His mother, exuberant as always, just giggled and hugged him again, jumping up and down with excitement.  
  
“Aloooooha!” she cried, throwing an arm out wide. She wore a silly coconut bra over her jacket and a long red-tinsel skirt. Ikkaku stood next to her in his normal clothes shaking his head.  
  
“Son, Tokai is a university, not a prison. If you can't find the time between your studies and your residency work to visit us, we can always come to see you. You just have to let us know,” his father commented, squeezing Iruka's shoulder. “Or you can always transfer to America.”  
  
“I really appreciate the offer, but...” Iruka flushed. Ikkaku raised a brow. “I can't do it right now. I still have so much to do. I mean, my _labs_ and this new drug therapy we're working on will be revolutionary if we can just—”  
  
“Soooooo much medical talk! I thought we were on vacay!” Obito butt in, appearing from behind a surfboard with a tiki cup in his hand. He saluted the bright orange thing in Iruka's direction with a grin, his eye patch rakishly piratey when paired with the hideous fake parrot perched on his shoulder.  
  
“Mah, no one asked you to come. You just appeared,” Kakashi commented, leaning in to sniff at the tiki mug. “I hope there's no alcohol in that. There are kids around, you know.”  
  
“Argh, matey. Hands off me grog,” the Uchiha drawled in heavily accented English, shooing Kakashi away. “Now let me steal Iruka-kun here so we can get ready for the fire knife dance!”  
  
“Fire? Knife? Planning to lose the other eye?” Kakashi _always_ liked to find and trample the line. Obito made a rude sign with his finger and snagged Iruka's arm while his mother grabbed his other one.  
  
“Wait! Fire? What?” Iruka helplessly babbled while Obito and his mother practically skipped beside him. Ikkaku shrugged and waved at them.  
  
“I wonder what he'll say when he sees the Polynesian dancers,” the older man mused. Kakashi almost giggled with naughty amusement.  
  
  
_Later that night..._

  
  
Iruka navigated the maze of sleeping bodies sprawled across the living room floor and quietly slipped out the back door, shivering a little as the chill hit him. He quickly closed the door and shuffled across the deck of the temporary tiki lounge, nearly losing an eye on a puffer fish lantern when he hopped off the patio. Grass rustled under his feet and he bounced on his toes, as he stood amid the picnic tables and huts and fake palm trees and tiki statues, looking around as if he was seeing it all for the first time. He turned in a slow wide circle to take it all in, smiling unconsciously.  
  
Today had been stressful. It had been weird. It had been scary and crazy and _wonderful_. He also had won a bit of money since Kakashi had unknowingly cashed in Iruka's bet for him.  
  
Seeing a bouncy and effusive Gai in a loincloth doing a fire knife dance had been a little hairy and ridiculous. Seeing an imposing Ibiki and a glum Asuma doing Tahitian dances— _female_ Tahitian dances, complete with coconut bras and grass skirts—was slightly more horrifying but immensely gratifying. Watching Izumo and Kotetsu burn themselves trying to unearth a pig they buried in an underground pit had just been hilarious and that probably indicated that Iruka was a secret sadist. He felt no shame in that.  
  
Iruka meandered around the tiki guardians with his hands shoved in his pockets, a box propped under one arm. Fairy lights wrapped around bamboo awnings, twinkling as he passed under fake palm fronds and wended his way towards the funny little hut sitting by itself in the sand. There was a figure sprawled in one of the hammocks in the trees next to the hut reading a bright orange book under the sallow light of a group of tiki torches. Iruka paused, fingers twitching in his pockets as he took a deep breath and closed the gap.  
  
Kakashi was getting to a particularly juicy point in Masahiro and Hanari's raunchy undercover mission when the hammock he was lying on moved and someone sat down near his knees. He raised a brow and lowered the book slightly, freezing and sneaking the book back up when he saw who it was.  
  
“You're an idiot,” Iruka said to empty space, leaning back against the opposite side of the hammock. He toed the ground and set the hammock to moving. “You're a massive idiot and I hope you know that.”  
  
Kakashi resolutely turned a page and did his best to ignore him.  
  
“You're also high-handed and obnoxious and immature,” Iruka continued, swinging a dangling foot aimlessly. “And I should be pissed off at you for all the stupid crap you pulled today.”  
  
But? Kakashi could almost hear the silent 'but' and the words in his book swam before him. He turned a page, mentally cursing when he realized he'd been turning pages in the wrong direction.  
  
“But you were incredibly thoughtful,” Iruka added quietly. Kakashi mentally fist-pumped. “Which is completely out of character for you, so it must have been hard.”  
  
Kakashi's fist-pump turned into a rude hand gesture.  
  
“In any case, you're not supposed to know who your Secret Santa is, but everyone always knows when it's you and you already gave yourself away so I guess it's okay if you know who yours is this time,” Iruka muttered, tumbling a box onto Kakashi's stomach.  
  
Kakashi waited a heartbeat, then five just to be safe. He carefully peeked over the top of his book and eyed his companion curiously. Iruka was staring pensively across the yard to where the stage was, completely ignoring him. Kakashi mentally huffed, not liking to be ignored. Then he peered down at the box resting on his stomach.  
  
The box was anonymously wrapped in the kind of paper stores would use to wrap boxes, but not a paper type that was easily recognizable. It _was_ festive; however, and depicted Santa and his favorite reindeer, Rudolph, standing by a Christmas tree sharing hot cocoa. Kakashi would have to protest this image to the manufacturer. Reindeer should _never_ drink hot cocoa and this was painfully false advertising that could lead to a lot of reindeer deaths. He reached out and poked the box with his book.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
He poked it again.  
  
Still nothing.

Kakashi shrugged, carefully tucked his book under his arm, and brought the box to rest on his chest, picking gingerly at the tape. He had always had this thing about not damaging the wrapping and about saving the paper. He had boxes of used wrapping paper stored away in his closet. He couldn't explain it. He just needed to save it all.  
  
The box underneath was plain and white. There were no identifying markings, not even tape to seal it. It mocked him. Kakashi peeked up again, eyes narrowing when he saw Iruka twitch a little. Fidgeting? Might it be a gag present?  
  
Gingerly he lifted the top, bracing himself just in case something horrific burst out to attack him.  
  
Nothing.  
  
He poked at the mess of tissue paper curiously, chancing a glance at his companion yet again, still suspicious. Iruka seemed to almost force himself into looseness, still staring at nothing as if his life depended on it. Kakashi carefully peeled apart the delicate paper.  
  
The uneven surface of a semi-transparent brain appeared.  
  
He sat up abruptly, book tumbling over the edge of the hammock—forgotten—pulling the paper out in a rush and throwing it on the ground.  
  
A brain sat in the box, floating on a delicate stem. At the base was a switch. Kakashi pressed it and the brain lit up. He swallowed thickly.  
  
“I-Iruka... Is this my brain?” he asked slowly, voice unsteady. “I gave this to you. Why would you– Why would you give it back to me? And why now?”  
  
Iruka seemed to blink back to the present and looked at him without saying anything, seeming to be heavy with thought. Slowly he sat up, freed one hand from his pocket and held it out. Kakashi carefully placed the brain in it, eyes on his shaking hands. He felt something wrench in his chest, but battled it back. It wasn't right to think like this. It was just a stupid anatomy model. It didn't mean anything. Iruka was his friend and it didn't mean—  
  
Iruka gently tilted the model up so Kakashi could see the words written underneath.  
  
_To Iruka, From Santa_  
_Merry Christmas_  
  
He gently placed the brain back in Kakashi's hands and buried his hand in his pocket again, staring at a string of lights wrapped around a laughing tiki. He took a deep breath and whispered, “I got that the same year you got your brain. I thought that maybe Santa wouldn't bring you anything because you didn't believe in him and that I could ask him for one in your stead. But Santa came and you got your brain anyhow. I just never told you about it.”  
  
Kakashi cradled the model, trying to process everything; trying to understand what it all meant.  
  
“In all my craziest dreams, I never thought you'd ever do anything quite like...” Iruka freed a hand briefly to gesture at everything. “It made me realize something.”  
  
Kakashi tilted his head curiously, fiddling with the brain.  
  
“You gave me your brain a long time ago,” Iruka continued. “And I've had it all this time. I think it's long past time to give you mine in return.”  
  
Was that? Kakashi peered in closely and Iruka's face seemed to darken under the dim lights. He grinned, carefully setting the brain next to him and folding his legs, causing Iruka to unbalance and slide his way. The younger man startled and looked at him, leaning back as Kakashi reached out and wrapped his arms around him.  
  
“Iruka, such a romantic,” Kakashi purred, grinning harder as he felt Iruka's skin heat. “And look! Mistletoe!”  
  
Iruka jerked and looked up, eyes widening as he saw the sprig of berries. “You—”  
  
Kakashi took full advantage of a temporarily defenseless Iruka and quickly pecked him on the lips before retreating, heart racing as he felt his face grow unexpectedly hot. He could _feel_ Iruka's astonishment and that was worse. It was never this awkward in books.  
  
“You idiot, that was terrible,” Iruka muttered, flushing painfully and fidgeting for a moment. Kakashi was busy running into mental walls when he felt Iruka's hands cup his face and he grimly awaiting either a strangling or to be brained.  
  
He got neither.  
  
Iruka seemed to hover for an eternity and Kakashi almost screamed at him to just _get on with it_ when he took a steadying breath and seemed to just dive in, awkwardly bumping Kakashi's nose before finding his lips. Kakashi's heart was in his throat, choking him, his hands trembling as they clutched at the hem of Iruka's jacket. His mouth opened and swallowed Iruka's startled gasp as Kakashi pulled him closer, toppling back on the hammock and tangling their legs in the process.  
  
He slid his hands under Iruka's jacket and up his back, fingers catching on his shirt hem so Kakashi could steal touches of skin as he dragged his lips down Iruka's neck, opening in a hot kiss over his pulse point. His tongue swirled over the trembling spot and pressed down, vibrating as Iruka groaned low in his throat and buried his fingers in Kakashi's hair. Kakashi added teeth and the groan hitched into a strangled sound, fingers tightening in reflex as Iruka's hips twitched against his. Kakashi smiled possessively against the damp skin and nibbled on an exposed collarbone, reveling in the resulting languorous rolling hip thrust. His fingers pressed into the dimples at the base of Iruka's back and returned the sentiment.  
  
Iruka nipped warningly at his ear before licking it apologetically, grinning—all teeth—when Kakashi's breath caught. Then Kakashi rolled him over and reality intruded.  
  
“Um, Kakashi,” Iruka mumbled, tilting his head back as the other man went for his throat again, weakly pushing at Kakashi's shoulders. “Kakashi...”  
  
Kakashi ignored him and his fingers danced up Iruka's ribcage.  
  
“No, seriously. Stop,” Iruka moaned, slapping him hard on the arm, eyes dazed. Kakashi froze, looking startled and hurt.  
  
“Your stupid brain is hurting me,” Iruka grumbled, shifting around, face flushed. The illuminated frontal lobe of the brain poked out from behind his back; taunting.  
  
“And here I thought I found someone who could appreciate my genius,” Kakashi teased huskily.  
  
“Tch. Idiot.”  
  
  
*****

  
OMAKE

  
Naruto shoveled rice into his mouth and pointed with his chopsticks, spitting little white grains as he spoke. “Iruka-nii?”  
  
“Yes, Naruto-kun?” Iruka reached out to wipe the boy's face.  
  
Naruto made a face and dodge. “What happened to your neck?”  
  
Iruka slapped his hands over the scarf covering his neck, flushing hard as he tugged it higher to cover the bruising and bite marks. He stuttered, “I-it's—”  
  
“Mah, Iruka-nii fought a wolf last night while everyone was asleep. Isn't he brave?” Kakashi asked, cheerfully sitting himself between them with a bowl of miso soup.  
  
“And what about you?” Sasuke asked with deep suspicion, pointing at a slightly toothy bruise on Kakashi's jaw, the only visible wound over his scarf. Kakashi's smile grew.  
  
“I helped.”

**Author's Note:**

> Affirmations means “positive self-directed thoughts to promote a better more successful and happier life”... generally. It can also mean a series if yeses or agreements. It is also one of the banners the LGBT community uses.
> 
> Tokai University is a Japanese university with sister campuses in Hawaii and it specializes in medicine and technology. Students and staff are generally Japanese citizens and Japanese and American high school and university students may attend any of their campuses throughout their student life.
> 
> The rest of the junk, you can look up. ||D
> 
> Originally posted to Livejournal on January 1 2012 (so I'm definitely on Hatake time cross-posting).


End file.
